I named it Fatty

Not that you asked, but I’m going to tell you any way why I was in such a shitty (read: cunty) mood the other day. My leg hurt. A lot. And do you want to know why? Of course you do. Because, I allowed someone to cut a big gash in it. On purpose.

First of all, a few years ago, I developed a cyst about half way up on the back of my right thigh. I decided it would be best to have it removed and tested to make sure it was not a sack of spider eggs incubating in my flesh. This is while I was still living in the GA, so I went to my favorite family practitioner. Mainly, because that is what my insurance would pay for and also because any reason I could go see the luscious Dr Berrago, was a good reason.

Side note: Dr Berrago was not just my favorite doctor because he was violently handsome, but because it was amusing to try to guess how many Xanax he must have taken that morning to make him as mellow as he was. I miss Dr Berrago and those bizarrely hypnotic visits with him. Also, I didn’t go to see him because I had some lusty doctor/patient fantasy scenario about him all worked out in my imagination. Pffft! Or did I? The tag line at the top of this blog is there for a reason people! You do the math. No really…you do the math, it gives me a headache.

Any how…the portion of my leg that was removed that time WAS a cyst after all. However, after a few years I began to realize that going to a family practitioner for such a procedure was probably not the best idea. The cyst returned and I ended up with a really gnarly scar.

This time, I chose to go to an actual surgeon. Ya know, some one who has lots of experience cutting people up and stitching them back together. The jury is still out on whether this will do the trick. According to the surgeon, I won’t know for sure until about six months post-op. Cysts can be tough little buggers to remove. If they accidentally leave even a smidgen of the cyst in the body, there’s a good chance it will come back.

Result: A 3″ horizontal cut across the back of my thigh. About a 1/4″ deep of flesh removed from said cut and 30 stitches. And it really fucking hurts! Do you know why? The skin on the back of your thigh stretches way more than you would think. Like every time you move. And when the skin stretches, it pulls on the stitches. And when you sit, you sit on the back of your thigh! There’s no way around it. Who knew?