Hi honey, it’s Aunt Bunny.
How are you doing?
Are you with your Mama?
Have you met your baby that you didn’t get to meet here?
I hate that I have to write this and can’t just call you to come over to hang out with us.
I hate that I can’t see your face, your smile, laugh at your off color jokes, get one of your awesome bear hugs.
I’m hurting so bad right now, Walt. I just can’t stop crying.
I don’t understand what happened. Or why it happened.
I’m so sorry I wasn’t there to help you fight those damned demons.
I didn’t know you needed me right at that moment. And I feel so bad about that.
Why didn’t you call me or text me. I would have come and got you and kept you safe. You know that.
Honey, I really tried to make it all better. I really tried to help you be strong. I’m so sorry it wasn’t enough.
You made me so proud since you came back to Salt Lake.
You were making great progress and were really starting to reach some goals.
I was so proud when you told me last week you got your chefs coat at your new job.
I know I really hammered you when you slipped up before, but it was only because I love you and didn’t want to see you hurt.
I didn’t want this horrible thing to be the reality.
But, after I got after you, I always made sure to let you know that I was still here for you.
I didn’t want to judge you for your weakness, I just wanted to let you know that you had people that loved you.
And I know you knew that. Not just me, but Blain, the girls and the rest of our family.
We were all pulling for you. And I know you knew that. And I know you love us and didn’t want to hurt us.
I also wanted to say thanks, sweetie.
Thanks for spending the last four months of your life with us.
Thanks for letting my girls get to know you, they will never forget you.
Thanks for feeling safe in my home and crashing on my couch most nights.
Thanks for taking the girls to the pool and the mall or watching movies with them.
Thanks for hanging out with me watching the History channel.
Thanks for the talks that went into the wee hours of the morning.
Thanks for all the great food you cooked for us with your mad cooking skills.
Thanks for the calls and texts when you were excited to tell us about something that happened to you.
Thanks for going to the gym with me and encouraging me.
Thanks for not judging me when I fell short on that.
Thanks for being the most sensitive, loving person I have ever known.
Thanks for trusting us and letting us be a part of your life.
Honey, I’m so sorry I could not understand your addiction.
I could not fix it or make it go away.
I know you fought hard. You fought damn hard.
I know it wasn’t it you. I know it was that damned drug.
I know you didn’t mean for it to get you.
I know you didn’t mean for it to be the end.
It caused you so much pain here. But, it can’t get you now.
And I am grateful for this.
All the pain is gone.
I love you Walter. So deep. It hurts so much that you’re gone.
I know you are watching over us, because that is just the kind of person you are.
You will always be in my heart. Forever and always.
Love, Aunt Bunny
Jun
23
June 23rd, 2009 at 10:20 am
I can’t finish this post. Not today. My eyes are wetter than they’ve been in a long time after reading the first few lines. I’m so sorry. Hugs and love to you and your family.
June 23rd, 2009 at 10:56 am
So so sorry. There aren’t any words. I am so sorry for your pain, but so glad you got back to SLC and spend time with him. So glad that your girls got a chance to know him.ILY!
June 23rd, 2009 at 11:07 pm
Writing this was so difficult, but was so necessary. I needed to get it out and say what I would actually say to Walt if I could actually talk to him.
Susan: it’s OK if you can’t read it without crying. Trust me it took me a while to write it, because I could not see through my tears.
Ali’s: I love you girl.
Thanks for taking the time to stop by and especially, thanks for taking the extra moment to leave a comment. It means the world to me.
June 23rd, 2009 at 11:24 pm
I’m ust as sorry as I can say. The part about the chef’s coat especially broke my heart.
June 23rd, 2009 at 11:52 pm
What a beautiful letter to your nephew! It definitely brought tears to my eyes. Addiction is such a difficult thing. Something that I have seen up close and personal a few times. I’m so sorry for your loss and also glad that you got to spend such great time with him these past months. Big Hugs!
June 24th, 2009 at 12:02 am
Okay, I need to go and blow my nose now. That was beautiful. I’m sorry that you and your family have to go through so much pain. I hope he’s watching over you – in fact, I really do believe he is:)
June 24th, 2009 at 9:32 pm
I love every word. I’m pretty sure I read them all through the stinging. He is with you. He will always be with you… when it’s really quiet you will feel him near you. I’m so sorry he died. I love it that you wrote what you needed to say. Hugs…
June 25th, 2009 at 12:03 am
Wow Sandra, you have such a way with words! That was really touching & I believe he heard you. As a beleiver of things happen for a reason, (and I realize this is a reason no one may ever understand), I hope that somehow this can touch others going through this same issue & hopefully save another! I believe you were meant to come back to Salt Lake when you did & get to spend that quality time with him. I hope, and know you will, cherish that! Hang in there my friend…and know I’m here for you!!
Love you!
July 2nd, 2009 at 7:11 pm
That is the most beautiful tribute you could pay to your nephew. You have an amazing way with words, and I am so sorry for your loss. He sounds like quite a guy, and he was lucky to have you so close to him. You’re an amazing person Sandra. Like Shauna said, you came back home for a reason.. without you here, he may not have made it as long as he did! I love your guts, I know I’m late at posting this, but I also know the hurt takes a long time to heal. If you need anything at all, please don’t hesitate..
July 2nd, 2009 at 8:56 pm
Thank you eveyone for leaving comments. I love you all and I am so lucky to count you as friends.