Panda Bears are Evil

So have you ever stopped to think of the elusive panda bear? I have and it is not as pleasant as you would think. Panda’s are like totally cute and fluffy and they will look all sweet and shit, but the first chance they get, they will rip your effing leg off! Case in point:

Panda Attack

We all seem to forget the “Bear” part of their name. I think this is their overall strategy! You see a panda, you completely forget the “Bear” part and immediately you want to go up and hug it and it’s all, ‘Hey little human, check me out, with my big sad eyes and fluffy black and white coat. C’mon on in man and give me a big ol’ hug.’ And the stupid human is all, ‘Right on panda! I am so coming to snuggle with you’. Then as soon as you get close enough, WHAMMY/CA-RUNCH!!, you’re all bloody and hoping around on one leg!

I know this first hand, because that is how I totally sprained my ankle this week. I keep telling everyone it was my dogs fault (because it totally was!), but it was really the panda that is living in my front yard. I know you are all like, ‘What the hell? You have a panda in your front yard?’ and I’m like, ‘Hell yeah buddy! why don’t you come over some time to see it!’ because I want to spread the word that panda’s are evil and once you get attacked trying to cuddle with my front yard panda then all pandas can be exposed for their true ruthless personalities!

So take that Panda!