Almost normal

It has been 10 days since my last post. Obviously, if you read the last two posts, you may have guessed that my life has been a little on the crazy side as of late. I really can’t get into all the details of what occurred that day…for multiple reasons. I can tell you that we are all OK. And it was the scarriest thing that has ever happened to me.

We spent a week on the houseboat. It was difficult to feel safe and comfortable at the house. We have been back at the house now for about three or four days. Still not feeling completely great about that, but it is bearable and it was necessary for us to take that step. Blain was already sick with a nasty virus the day this occured and had been at home in bed with a fever when it all started. He continued to be sick for several days after it all, but is feeling back to normal. Now me and the girls have it. We have been down for a few days, Tal having the worst time of it. I haven’t been able to get her fever down below 99 at all today. Poor thing looks pathetic. But, we did go to the Dr this morning to get them some meds, so hopefully we can all get back to normal.

For the most part, the girls handled this all pretty well. Being on the houseboat and away from everyone for that week was probably the best thing we could have done for ourselves. They were nervous about coming back to the house too, but have adjusted back to life much better than I thought they would.

Of course, everyone in and around the shop gossiped their asses off about it. There must be 20 different versions of the story going around, none of them completely true. Yet, another good reason for hanging at the houseboat. That way we could talk only to the people we wanted to talk to and the rest would just have to get over it.

I really want to thank our close friends and family for being so supportive. We were offered at least five places to stay. Several people offered to watch the girls for us or give us help with picking them up or taking them to school or cheer or what have you. Many others were just there to listen because we needed to talk to people, to help us understand all of this. Many have contacted us repeatedly over the past two weeks to make sure we were still OK. They always say that in times of need and crisis you really find out who your true friends are and who really has your back. We definitely found out and it is so comforting to know that we have a pretty good support system. It also opened up our eyes to who needed to be weeded out of our lives for good. Luckily, there were only a few.

Due to this whole incident, I was finally forced to deal with the fact that I am mental an overly anxiety ridden person. I have actually known if for some time, really years, but I just never wanted to fully admit it and get treatment. I have seen a Dr now and have been diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder. I have since done copius amounts of research and have figured out that I have panic disorder as well, which is common with anyone with anxiety disorder. I am being treated with meds right now, but feel that this is a short term solution until I can figure out how to deal with it, without the meds. Not sure how that will happen, but I’m sure I’ll figure that out later. The meds are probably the only thing that could have helped me get back into the house initially. (BTW we are looking for a new place, ’cause I ain’t staying here for too much longer, it’s just too uncomfortable.) This also answers many questions about the insomnia cycles.

I want to especially thank my mom and sisters for being so great. You ma sissah!! They all hung on the phone for hours with me, called to make sure I was OK and told me I wasn’t a lunatic, just a little bit crazy with the anxiety. I feel sorry for anyone out there with no sisters because you are missing one of the best relationships you can have on this crazy planet, there is just nothing like sisters! I am grateful that I was able to call my Mommy, because even at 37 I still need her. I love you all more than you could ever know.

Also, I want to especially thank my friend (ya know I love ya hooker!) who is just about as mental as I am. She has this anxiety too, but understands it much better than I do and has taught me so much. She has no idea how much she has helped me through this and made me feel stronger through her strength. So, thank you from the bottom of my heart, you are a true and trusted friend. It’s good to know that I am not the only crazy one.

Most of all thank you Blain! Some one told me how lucky I was because most wifes don’t know for certain if their husband will be there and able to protect them if the situation arises. I am lucky! I do know! And I love you for it!

Now it’s time to get back to normal!