13 years, 5 months & 19 days into my 18 year sentence on the first count of procreation in the first degree

Exactly 4924 days ago I gave birth to my first perfect little baby girl…Tal. She remained perfect (in my eyes) for approximately 10 years, then she started to look and smell kinda funny. Like the way a block of cheese looks and smells when it is starting to go bad. What in the hell! DAMN…her expiration date is almost here! I have diligently tried to cut off the bad, moldy chunks, but dammit if more don’t just grow in their place and new ones keep cropping up. I try to keep her sealed in an air tight container, but that isn’t helping either! Bad influences air keep finding their way in.

Why do kids get to this point where their parents are “so stupid” and their friends know everything? She must HAVE some of my brian genes in her somewhere. Why aren’t they going ballistic in her little head, screaming YOUR FRIENDS DON’T GIVE A DAMN ABOUT HOW YOU TURN OUT…YOUR PARENTS KNOW WHAT’S BEST FOR YOU! Those of you who have lived through this already are sitting back chuckling and thinking “she needs to get a grip on reality already, she can’t do anything about this stage in her insane teenage daughters life. Those of you who have not lived through this yet…OH JUST YOU WAIT. I am telling you that no matter what you think now, it is still shocking when it comes around and hell yes I remeber what it was like to be a 13 year old and that is what scares the hell out of me. The problem is that you don’t get all the wisdom you need to navigate your way through your tweens, teens and early twenties until you are in your thirties. It’s God’s cruel little joke on us!

Call me crazy, but I’m just not OK with a 13 year old going to a HIGH SCHOOL football game with her friends, unsupervised. We tried that a few weeks ago, trying to be the cool parents, because apparently we are the only un-cool parents left in Georgia. Fat lot of good that did us, since she ended up playing kissy face with some jerk off from another school (we only found out thanks to one of our responsible adult friends). She got grounded for two weeks after that game, not so much for the kissing, but for the deceptive/manipultive behavior surrounding the whole event. And she is now crazy enough to try us again. Oh, the waterworks with this kid! The drama. The horrible life she has been dealt.

Here is an example of what I have to put up with, these are her exact statistics: “Three-quarters of the middle school kids get to go to the game without their parents and the other one quarter don’t go at all.” Huh? So the game is full of middle school kids running amuck! And this is supposed to convince me to let you go too? And to top it off, we are the only parents that think they need to supervise their kids at a HIGH SCHOOL game, we must be crazy! How silly of us! I was shocked to find this out. Let’s see, the other one was…”Only high school parents go the game.” Well, it’s good to know that the high schoolers parents around here are interested in what their kids are up to. And lastly, “the middle school kids don’t have parents!” (this was one of my favorites!) Obviously, she was grasping for straw and was exasperated with her own lack of arguing skills at this point.

I should have seen this coming long ago. I had clues, I just didn’t pick up on them.

Exhibit A: Do you see the look of pure evil in the eyes of this sweet little six year old?

Exhibit B: If you missed it the first time around, you can definitely see it by age 10

Exhibit C: This crafty little hooligan isn’t fooling anyone at 11, she is just honing her manipulation skills!

Exhibit D: And this is what I have to contend now at 13…sent to me in a text message yesterday with the tag “im a hottie”!

Deep breaths and the knowledge that I only have to serve another 1652 days of this sentence are the only two things that keep me sane. Unfortunately, I still have 3038 left on my second sentence!

Exhibit E: You can see this coming from a mile away right? Atleast this time I will have some practice under my belt.

Too bad I’m not a drinker or I might just make it through without a mental break down. Hmmm…maybe it’s time to see the Dr about a Zololt perscription, that way I can get off with time served!