This is a sort of test post from China. I’m not 100% sure this will post. I should have this set up to also post to Facebook, but since I cannot open FB, I can’t really check to see if it works.
If it does and any of you come to check out the post, could you please leave a comment, here on this blog, so that I will know if it is posting? Thanks!
Will write more soon…
I have the iPhone app for Post Secret. Per the website, “In two months more secrets have been shared on the PostSecret App than have been mailed to me in seven years!”. Granted I have to wade through a bunch of stupid ones, because I don’t have the benefit of Frank doing it for me, but I still find some amazing ones. Here are some ones I wanted to share.
Enjoy!
“He knew that when he kissed this girl, and forever wed his unutterable visions to her perishable breath, his mind would never romp again like the mind of God. So he waited, listening for a moment longer to the tuning-fork that had been struck upon a star. Then he kissed her. At his lips’ touch she blossomed for him like a flower and the incarnation was complete.”
- F. Scott Fitzgerald, The Great Gatsby, Ch. 6
Sail on Silver Girl
Sail on by
Your time has come to shine
All your dreams are on their way
~Simon and Garfunkel
So, I stopped by the cemetery the other day, in reference to my post the other day Just Curious. I stopped mid morning, because even though I would love to talk to the family of this person, I don’t want to intrude on their grief.
I was right, this person was a Pacific Islander, based on the name and the picture on the headstone. I actually took a picture of the headstone, but won’t post it, out of respect for the family. I’m sure they don’t want some random person posting pics of it on her silly little blog.
He died on March 13, 2011 and was just 25 years old. I did a search for an obit, to see if I could find out more info, but could not find one. Twenty five is so incredibly young. He was obviously well loved, considering the fact that he has a group of visitors at his grave site almost every single night. I wish I could stop and hug each one of them, get them to tell me stories about him and maybe cry with them for a bit.
See, this is what I do when I have a month off from school with nothing else to do.
A deep conversation I had with Aeris Soltice recently.
(If the video does not show up, click this link to see it. Conversations with Aeris)
If the video does not show up, click this link to see it. Conversations with Aeris
Just about every day I drive by the Murray City Cemetery on my way to take my kid to school, go to my mom’s house, to the store or the gym. Almost every single evening I see the same family with their car parked on the side of the road and set up at a grave site a few feet from the curb. This has been going on for several months now.
Many times as I drive by the cemetery I see employees setting up for funerals, families gathered for a funeral, backhoes digging the graves and families visiting graves sites. When holidays occur, the cemetery gets packed with flowers, balloons and other decorations, especially on Memorial Day or Veterans Day. You can tell when it must have been someones birthday or who loved Christmas or Halloween, depending on how a grave site is decorated.
There is something different about his family though. Like I said, they are there every evening. It doesn’t matter if it is good weather, or if it is raining or if there is a foot of snow on the ground. I don’t recall seeing a recent burial in that area, so I’m not sure if this was a recent loss or not, but I would assume it is.
The family is obviously from Pacific Island heritage. This is the only clue I have to why they are there every single day. There are usually three to six people there and they often set up lawn chairs. I want to stop and talk to them. I want to know who this person was and why they are there every day. Is it a cultural thing of some sort? Was it a loss so great they feel compelled to return daily to keep the connection?
I’ve tried a couple of times to snap a picture of them, sorry they are kind of crappy pics.
One of these days I will stop to look at the headstone to see if I can get any more information. I like to walk through cemeteries any way, although I don’t personally understand the need to visit the grave sites of my relatives or place flowers or other decorations at a grave. This subject can fill another entire post, so I will save it for another time.
I have no never again, I have no always.
In the sand victory abandoned its footprints.
I am a poor man willing to love his fellow man.
I don’t know who you are. I love you.
I don’t give away thorns and I don’t sell them.
Perhaps someone will know that I didn’t weave bloody crowns, that I fought against mockery, and that with truth I filled the high tide of my soul.
I repaid vileness with doves.
I have no never because I was, I am, I will be different.
And in the name of my ever-changing love I proclaim purity.
Death is only the stone of oblivion.
I love you, on your lips I kiss happiness itself.
Let’s gather firewood. We’ll light a fire on the moutaintop.
~ Pablo Neruda
Every time I gazed upon your beautiful face
Or felt your tender touch
I felt the butterflies
Softly flitting inside me
Swirling
Tickling
I still feel them each time
I long to feel them
But I don’t get the chance much any more
So I have started to catch the exquisite creatures
One by one
I press them flat
Pushing a pin into their back
I feel each death as if it were my own
Each one pressed between glass
Framed in shining gold
Placed in the room I’m my heart
Your room
The room I can visit from time to time
To visit your butterflies
And remember when these beautiful creaters used to
Fly
And flit
And tumble
Deep inside me
What I am trying to do….
What I am actually screaming at the top of my lungs (but only inside my head)…
Hopefully once finals are done next week I can manage to post on the correct days and quite combining, but until then…
Dec 8
Beautifully Different. Think about what makes you different and what you do that lights people up. Reflect on all the things that make you different – you’ll find they’re what make you beautiful.
Ugh. Really? I hate these kinds of questions. I feel like I’m in a job interview. I actually had to ask my daughter to help, because I am much to critical of myself to come with something. She said that the best thing about me is that I have seen it all. From living paycheck to paycheck and struggling to having tons of money and doing pretty much whatever I wanted to. Not being afraid to move to new places and have new adventures. Being blissfully happy at times, then making it through some really dark times, back to being happy again. I guess you could say I’m resilient. If I do get smacked down by life, it doesn’t take me too long to jump back up. I always have a positive outlook and I’m forward to even more new adventures in 2011.
Dec 9
Party Prompt: Party. What social gathering rocked your socks off in 2010? Describe the people, music, food, drink, clothes, shenanigans.
Several great parties this year!
The going away party for Melinda was epic. So many friends made it. But, it was sad to see her go, even though I was so excited for her to move to London.
The Halloween Party. Once again…the people made the party.
My birthday party, hosted by the lovely Jessica and Marci. I made four different kinds of Asian dumplings. Yum! And was great to have my good friends celebrate the big 40 with me.
Chris and Ruby’s party this summer when Heidi came home. Shauna’s 4th of July Party. Melissa’s holiday party, when Jen was in town. These were all great get togethers with long time school friends. So much fun to re-connect and catch up.
To sum them up…great people, good music, fabulous food, lots of drinks, clothing was optional and many shenanigans were had. I have no doubt there will be many more over the next year.
I was in a funk for a little while. So many things to deal with. To handle. To absorb. To work through. All of those things still swirl around me on a daily basis. Some days are better than others, but lately, most days have been positive, tranquil, hopeful…fabulous.
It would be so terribly easy to slip again into that place of darkness and despair. And it would be so easy to stay there. To let everything come crashing down upon my head and bury me in misery. To let the ugliness of certain truths from past lives slip their little fingers around my wrist and drag me down.
But, that is not what I am made of. That is not how I was built or wired.
I see the light in the darkest of nights.
Do you know why? Because life is beautiful.
From the quiet at 2:30 in the morning when soft little snow flakes float to the ground. To the text message from someone saying they miss you. To the feeling you get when you know your children are safe at home. To that first sip of coffee in the morning. To the friend that smiles when they see you. To the stranger that holds the door for you. To the knowledge of knowing you are going somewhere, even if you don’t know exactly where.
To that look. To that touch. To that sound. To that scent. To that everything.
Life is beautiful.
Despite all the heartache, pain and troubles, I still see immense beauty.
Everywhere.
Tonight I will be attending an online event with my oldest. It’s called College Week Live, where 300 or so colleges will have information available to high school juniors and seniors. And why would I have to do this? Because, Tal is almost 17! WTF!?! I’m not old enough to have a 17 year old that needs to start thinking about college. I’m in college myself and during my last year of college, my daughter will be a freshman…maybe even at the same school.
Obviously, I didn’t take the normal or correct path in my education. Right out of high school, I attended one semester at the community college and decided it wasn’t for me. It’s not that I didn’t want an education or have dreams or hopes for my future. I did! In fact, just like my daughter, I started off looking into college as a junior in high school.
I wanted to do something artistic and creative, so I applied to FIDM (Fashion Institute of Design and Merchandising), one of the top design schools in the country. In the submission package I included an project I had just finished for my interior design class. I was accepted! Based solely on my project and become the youngest person ever accepted at the school at that time! I would be studying in NYC for three years and one year in Paris.
I ended up not going to FIDM. Why? Because it was so damned expensive I couldn’t get enough financial aid to cover the tuition, etc and my parents could not afford it either. That was my dream. That is why I had no interest in the community college or any other college for that matter. Because I was young and stupid and couldn’t figure out how to make my dream happen, even with road blocks in the way. I could have done it, but I didn’t. That is one of my two biggest regrets (the other was marrying my ex).
So, how do I make sure my daughter does not follow the same path? She is a smart kid with her own definitive dream. I have no doubt she can reach any goals she sets for herself. I could care less what career path she sets, except that it has to be something she has a passion for and will be happy doing for a very long time. It doesn’t have to make her a ton of money, it just has to make her happy. I spent many years doing something I was very good at, but hated. That is why I am now a 40 year old, single mom, in college. I, like my parents, can not afford to send her to a top college and I am praying she can get scholarships and financial aid. But, most of all I hope and pray she follows her dreams and doesn’t let the road blocks get in her way.
